For the last several weeks, I have been reading through the
New Testament with my church. We have a
reading plan, 3ish chapters a day for 90 days.
It started out as something that our LifeGroup was doing and I thought,
hey, I’ve never really followed through on that, so this will be a good
opportunity for it. That was the end of
my thought process. That’s it. I gave no thought whatsoever to the challenge
that it would be for me. Not only the
challenge it is to find a solitary 30 or so minutes each day to carve out time
for reading the words, but also the challenge of paying attention to what’s
being communicated and how I am being called to act on it. Turns out I should
have seen how deep the water was before I dove in head first. Yikes.
In the last few days really, I have found a deeper
connection to the words on the page.
It’s not just words and it’s not just how many chapters I’ve got under
my belt. This is GOD talking. To me.
Me.
He’s telling me what he wants from me as a follower of Christ. How I am supposed to act, think, talk,
pray. Everything. I’ve read most of these words here and there
many times before throughout my life, but it’s never really had a life changing
impact on me. I read the words and I
understand and I’m knowledgeable. I know
what God wants, what He expects, and I can pin point areas where I need to
change or learn or grow. But that’s
where it ends. I don’t actually change or learn or grow. Sure, I’ve knocked out foul language and
partying and things like that over the years, but really, truly change? Not really.
I still have all of the same gut reactions and thoughts I've always
had. I’m stagnant. The worst possible action for Christian. No action.
So I've decided to use my time with God’s word everyday to
help me change. To actually grow. And I’m counting on God’s words to help
change my heart in the following areas:
Anger
I get so
angry. Over nothing. I go from 0-60 in a matter on seconds. One little thing goes wrong and I blow it. And the whole day is useless. Issues with Raegan and sleeping, speaking
hurtfully and hatefully to Jesse. I take
my anger out on Jesse or Raegan. The
exact people who should be feeling my love all of the time.
Stress/Worry
Sometimes
this goes hand in hand with anger. I
stress about schedules and juggling things and arriving on time. I worry about the same things. Then I get angry when they don’t go as
planned. I detest the feeling of being
stressed and anxious to the point I will snap (who doesn't ) and I really think
that God hates that for me too.
Identity
Like many
women, I tend to try to find my identity in the dumbest and most incorrect
places. My appearance, acquiring
“things”, my home, my daughter, my relationship with my husband. All things that will end up leaving me not
feeling good enough. I should be looking
to Jesus for my identity, not the world.
I didn’t even realize this was as big an issue as it is until I listened
to a podcast from Perry Noble on the Lies Women Believe today. A big thanks to my husband for recommending
that one to me. :/
I have no idea what God is going to do through this
journey. But I’m excited to find out.
No comments:
Post a Comment