Is it 4:30 yet???

Let me start this post by saying that I have an amazing husband.  He is attentive, a good listener, he actually talks about his feelings, he gives me great advice, he is a very present and great father, and he loves me unconditionally.  God has truly blessed me with him and I wouldn't trade him for the world.  But....lately it seems like my husband has been swamped with activities and projects.  I feel like every time he's coming home, it's only to turn right back around and walk out the door again.

Now I think I need to lay some background details here to really get my point across.  I am a stay at home mom to our beautiful 17 month old daughter.  My husband works full time for a great company in order to provide for us.  He leaves around 7 in the morning and gets home usually around 4:30 or 5.  As a mom being cooped up all day with a toddler, I really, really look forward to 4:30.  I chart my entire day around it, as if the day ends at 4:30 when daddy comes home and a whole new day starts.  It's my saving grace that I will have a helper at 4:30, I will have someone else (an adult) to talk to at 4:30, Raegan will have someone else to care for her and play with her at 4:30.  Yes, 4:30 is a great time in my house.

All that being said, it gets very difficult for me when my husband doesn't come home at 4:30.  Or he comes home, changes clothes, gives us a quick kiss, and blows out the door again.  Now, I will have to admit, his projects have been things that benefit him primarily, but also our family in the long run. And his other commitments are things that I am proud of him for doing and things that he probably should do.  But at the same time, I struggle with wanting him to spend time with his own family.  His family that sits at home waiting for him and longing for the moment that he comes home to us. It's kinda selfish, yes.  But he's my husband and Raegan's dad, shouldn't we come first?!  

And just this morning it kinda hit me.  Is this how my Jesus feels about me??  Do I really carve out enough time in my day to spend with my heavenly father?  Is He sitting there thinking "Mary, you spend countless hours cleaning, talking with friends, sitting on the computer......when are you going to spend some time with me?"  Ouch.  That reality hurts.  And the answer is that no, I don't spend enough time talking to Jesus everyday, telling him my joys, my angers, my worries, giving him praise for all the blessings he brings me everyday.  But I am going to make an effort to do so in the future.  I need that time with Him.  Have you ever noticed how when you spend some time quieting down and talk to Jesus how your whole day is kind of put into perspective and feels right?  That's not a coincidence.  I need to make Jesus a priority in my life just like I make my family a priority.  Jesus tells us this in the Bible and he only wants good things for us, so why shouldn't we believe him and act on it??